Realisation Hits
by sealednectar
Summary: Snape comes to a crossroads, and has to make a life altering decision. One shot! R&R!


Realisation Hits by Sealednectar

Heavy rain beat down on me as I walked with my collar up down the dark alleyway. The sound of sirens wailed in the distance, a couple of owls swept passed overhead. I leaned back against the rough wall, searching my pockets. I pulled out a packet of cigarettes and lit one. I hadn't realised my hands were shaking but in the light I could see that they were.

Breathing deeply I kept out an eye for my source, Elaine McCourrick. I didn't need to look at my watch to know that she was late. I couldn't see that far, only a few feet away from me and that was filled with smoke. But I knew she'd come.

It was a few seconds later that I heard hurried footsteps, heels pounding in the now light rain.

"You're late." I said quietly.

All I could see of her was her figure silhouetted against the dim lights at the end of the street.

"I was held up." She said, her voice was high, she sounded almost apologetic. There was a short silence. The last few drops of rain smattered against the corrugated rooftops, the only sound was the dull beat of music from a nearby club. Elaine lit her wand, not being able to stand the dimness we were in. I looked at her with narrowed eyes, seeing her standing stiffly through the haze of smoke.

She was a pretty woman. She had dark red hair, reminding me of a young lady I had known a long time ago, in another lifetime. Her azure eyes studied me. I pushed away from the wall and stepped closer to her, I could see that she wanted to step back, but she didn't. I dropped the cigarette butt to the floor and slowly flattened it under my shoe. I glanced at her and saw her swallow nervously, she knew something was going to happen.

"You called?" She asked, lowering her wand so that we were thrown into a dim light, her face looked almost haunted.

"Do you have any news?" I asked.

"No." She said quickly. Too quickly.

I had been assessing the night sky but now I looked at her, surprised.

"None at all?" I asked.

It was a few moments before she spoke again. I could see her breathing deeply, shaking slightly and her eyes wary, always wary. She never stopped glancing around. Always expecting something to jump out at her at any second. When I had first hired her I thought it was a good feature of hers. One should never stop being wary, not in our line of work. But now I knew the real reason and there was nothing else to be done.

"There hasn't been much going on lately. The minister's holidaying in Majorca you know." She said lamely.

"Yes." I said. "But what is the ministry going to do about the giants, I know everyone's heard that they've allied themselves with the Dark Lord?"

She looked a bit taken aback, not sure what to say.

It had been an ally the Dark Lord could not afford to lose to the other side.

"There's not much we-they can do."

It hadn't been until a few months into our agreement that I had seen the cracks in Elaine's façade. She had been cool, collected, a help to me. I would be sorry to see her go. She looked so vulnerable. I turned away from her. If I felt too sorry for her, the job would never get done.

"You know, the Dark Lord's being very wary." I said. She muttered that she did know and I heard her walk closer to me.

"That time's come hasn't it?" She asked quietly.

I didn't understand what she meant.

"The war's about to start isn't it?" She clarified.

"We've known that since the beginning." I said to her. I moved away from her, I hated being close to her.

"Can you believe it?" She asked. She hadn't really noticed that I'd moved away. She seemed a little numb.

"Yes. I can believe it. It's been a long time coming."

We stood still for a few minutes. Each of us in our own thoughts. I knew what I had to do and I knew I had to do it now. But I couldn't ruin this moment. The last we would have. She looked so beautiful, like a flawless statue. Even though I was in this alleyway with Elaine McCourrick, in my mind I was in the Hogwarts grounds, Lily Evans standing in front of me. It was strange how time could pass so much but really how nothing changed at all.

"What's the matter?" Elaine asked, looking concerned.

"Nothing." I hadn't realised that tears had welled up in my eyes and I cursed myself for it.

Elaine had come closer to me. "What's the matter?" She repeated.

I looked into her eyes for a few seconds before replying.

"You see this line…" I said, gesturing to the space between us.

"It can never be crossed." I said and I left it at that.

"You're a spy aren't you?" It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"What! Yes I am, for you, for the Dark Lord."

"No! For them." I said slowly, controlling my temper.

"I would never Severus…never…I love-" She spluttered, lost for words. She was a good actress.

"Don't lie to me!" I hissed. I whipped out my wand before she could blink and muttered the avada kedavra curse, the emotion breaking my voice.

It was over before it had actually started. I dropped to my knees beside her. The tears flowed freely. I breathed deeply and wiped the tears away. I scolded myself mentally for being so weak. Only fools fell in love. Twice.

But this was the last time, I told myself. As I looked at her limp body, I knew this was the last time.

I would never kill again. Never. Curse me if I did. I could not stand this life anymore. I could not stand behind the Dark Lord and see our world going up in flames. I could not stand to see anyone fall by my hand. The Dark Lord was my past now. And so was Elaine. I stood up. I would leave her body there. The Deatheaters would find her and tell the dark Lord. But not me. I was leaving.

A/N: Tell me what you think?


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